What your doula didn't tell you & your mother couldn't get you to hear...

I need you. I need you both. I need you to both love each other and like each other. I need you to show me how to love my future mate. I need you to show me how I should treat my friends. I need you to show me what language is okay.

I need you to put me to bed early. I need you to go to bed early so you are ready to see me in the morning.

I need you to be in charge. I need you to tell me no sometimes, even when I get mad.

I gain my security in knowing what will happen tomorrow, talk to me. I like to do the same things over and over. I like to stay home and go for walks and meet people in our neighborhood.

I like to be fed well, even when I complain. I really like to help you cook and bake.

I need hugs, a lot. When I am sad and when I am happy. You need hugs too.

I need you to be present with me. Can you please put away your phone and talk to me? Do you know that I will be grown before you know it and I want to have memories of you without your phone.

I need you to hold the space for me, I can't hold it on my own and I get scared when you don't and sometimes I do naughty things or get a little crazy - it's because I don't feel safe. I need to feel you there.

I don't need so many toys. I really just need a few and you. Mostly I need you.

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United We Stand, Divided We Fall

You’ve probably heard the phrase “United we stand, divided we fall,” somewhere, at some time in your life. That phrase couldn’t be truer than at home. The things that divide can be pervasive, sometimes subtle and require mindfulness and being present to rise above it. We can shield ourselves and our families from most of these things through finding balance. Through our work, we have met couples whose lives seem to be drudgery, they feel like they are exhausted butlers for little people. Some couples may admit that what they felt for each other and about themselves is a fleeting memory as they grind away at one busy day after another. We often hear about how challenging finding the right work/life balance can be. We can’t spend our attention fully in one place without it waning somewhere else. It’s like those Mario games where when you look at the ghost it stays still but when you look away it creeps towards you. When things start to go off kilter, we can very much ask our...

Media Use

On a quiet Saturday afternoon at a mall restaurant, we observed two children with their grandparents. During the entire meal, each child wore headphones as they played games on a tablet. I’m not sure how old they were perhaps under 10 years old. Neither of them looked up from their devices and the grandparents looked lost, confused and very much isolated. They couldn’t even peel their eyes away to look at their food. We see children often, who are literally plugged into the Matrix now, missing out on the world around them. By plugging in they are not settling into their bodies or being aware of how their bodies feel. Years ago, we were on a car trip and our son was embroiled in a handheld video game. When the battery died, he was in a panic, he had no idea he needed to go to the bathroom quite so bad. It was as if during the game he had unplugged himself from his body. It can be easy to simply demonize screen time and media usage. It’s so pervasive in our society that the idea...

How's your family rhythm?

When things feel like they are going to hell in a hand basket, it might feel like it is all about Johnny's 10th tantrum for today, I will bet you it isn't. Things don't happen in a vacuum. Johnny's tantrum is likely the after effect of something else. If things are truly going to hell in a hand basket then I bet there are a lot of things that feel off. I like to do a little check in and really take a look at how our family rhythm is going. Family rhythm? What in the heck is that? Rhythm is often confused with schedule, and while they can look similar, rhythm is a bit different. Rhythm flows like a river. It flows around stones and boulders and might even meet a delta, but it flows. Schedule is more like something that floats down that river. If you don't pay attention to the bends in the river then the schedule can feel like it is screeching to a giant halt and everything is just plain off. Rhythm has to be tended and...

Peaceful Foundations

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