Skip to main content

What your doula didn't tell you & your mother couldn't get you to hear...


I need you.  I need you both.  I need you to both love each other and like each other. I need you to show me how to love my future mate. I need you to show me how I should treat my friends. I need you to show me what language is okay.

I need you to put me to bed early.  I need you to go to bed early so you are ready to see me in the morning. 

I need you to be in charge.  I need you to tell me no sometimes, even when I get mad.

I gain my security in knowing what will happen tomorrow, talk to me.  I like to do the same things over and over.  I like to stay home and go for walks and meet people in our neighborhood.

I like to be fed well, even when I complain.  I really like to help you cook and bake.

I need hugs, a lot. When I am sad and when I am happy.  You need hugs too.

I need you to be present with me. Can you please put away your phone and talk to me?  Do you know that I will be grown before you know it and I want to have memories of you without your phone.

I need you to hold the space for me, I can't hold it on my own and I get scared when you don't and sometimes I do naughty things or get a little crazy - it's because I don't feel safe.  I need to feel you there.

I don't need so many toys. I really just need a few and you.  Mostly I need you.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

How's your family rhythm?

When things feel like they are going to hell in a hand basket, it might feel like it is all about Johnny's 10th tantrum for today, I will bet you it isn't.  Things don't happen in a vacuum.  Johnny's tantrum is likely the after effect of something else. If things are truly going to hell in a hand basket then I bet there are a lot of things that feel off.   I like to do a little check in and really take a look at how our family rhythm is going. Family rhythm?  What in the heck is that?  Rhythm is often confused with schedule, and while they can look similar, rhythm is a bit different.  Rhythm flows like a river.  It flows around stones and boulders and might even meet a delta, but it flows.  Schedule is more like something that floats down that river.  If you don't pay attention to the bends in the river then the schedule can feel like it is screeching to a giant halt and everything is just plain off.  Rhythm has to be tended and...

Media Use

On a quiet Saturday afternoon at a mall restaurant, we observed two children with their grandparents. During the entire meal, each child wore headphones as they played games on a tablet. I’m not sure how old they were perhaps under 10 years old. Neither of them looked up from their devices and the grandparents looked lost, confused and very much isolated. They couldn’t even peel their eyes away to look at their food. We see children often, who are literally plugged into the Matrix now, missing out on the world around them. By plugging in they are not settling into their bodies or being aware of how their bodies feel. Years ago, we were on a car trip and our son was embroiled in a handheld video game. When the battery died, he was in a panic, he had no idea he needed to go to the bathroom quite so bad. It was as if during the game he had unplugged himself from his body. It can be easy to simply demonize screen time and media usage. It’s so pervasive in our society that the idea...

A bunny in the grass...

A few weeks ago we were leaving our favorite amusement park. The park sits in the center of a fairly busy city and we are always amused at the wildlife we see, whether it be grasshoppers in the greenery or cats that live on the property to keep the mice population down. This evening was a special treat. As we dragged ourselves to the car after a long day of having fun, we were surprised and in awe of a sweet bunny in the grass. As we stood there watching with our kids (7 & 12) we noticed two moms with strollers and children that were probably 3 or 4 years old. I watched as the children tried so hard to get the mom's attention. Both moms were chatting away and more than once asked their children to quiet down. As we waited for the light to change and it to be our turn to cross, Erik and I were struck by the excitement of these sweet little ones. The light turned and we all started walking across the street to head to our cars but I could hear the little boys "M...